birthday today lol. somehow not as significant as other years, nor was it much cause for excitement or whatever. but got no energy these days anyhow lol. thanks everyone who remembered ^.^ and for gifts/letter.
hmm anyway lifes quite sian. and my buddys going ooc, so thats a pity, and another cause for sian-ness.

yea. thats it for update lol. if anyone reads it o.O

then everything went crazy

lol i know i shouldnt be here on the eve of the great As, but. ok so the last month has been spent slacking, and i havent mugged as much as i should have, and if i screw this up then i only have myself to blame. and my life appears to be slowly decaying o.O. oh yesh btw this isnt going to take 10 minutes, my previous posts mostly took like an hour lol

so i havent blogged about alot of things, like prelims and how emo i am about leaving rj and what i actually think of the school etc. etc. but in the spirit of my old posts, some of which inspire much cringing (only some, not as bad as it used to be lol) i shall discuss..what i've learnt ^.^. eh actually i already blogged about that in the last post o.O but nevermind.

so. firstly. i am not a nice guy. i must confess, lol ^_^. but as they say, self-knowledge is the first step to..something, i forgot what o.O. secondly. i should try to believe people sometimes. thirdly i'm too harsh on people, and myself, maybe. i know that contradicts my first point, but. fourthly, timing is everything. sometimes. whatever that means, lol. things might get screwed up, but i shall just have to learn that things are under control? future tense, hence not fifthly. fifthly, im sure theres more, but i should go do gp. it's not so much the memory, but what it means that ought to count. once again i only half-know what that means o.O

rawr.

gives, and takes away

boredom brings me back. ehh but then i dunno what to write. havent written anything proper since. wow i've never written anything proper, lol. not here anyway, and probably not in exams either, judging from grades. -.- but i ceased giving a damn about that a long time ago. which i suppose is a bad thing. heh but the words come out clear enough in my head.

man i really need to get down to mugging o.O. but there appear to be many distractions. two major exams in three months = major drainage of mugging energy.

bleagh.

okay anyway one important lesson that i've not really learnt over my relatively short (so far, at least) life would be that following ones better judgement is usually a good practice, despite its possibly extremely counter-intuitive nature. 'cause there are Consequences. lol. or rather, things to lose. conversely, not attending to ones compulsions has Benefits. so i just thought i would pretend to be a wise person and dish out wise-sounding advice -.-.

on another random note.
Conflict and Resolution have always been the basis for any substantial plot. i suppose that includes life -.o even if resolutions arent necessarily good all the time o.O

can never know.

haha okay its been awhile. brief respite from 1-sub-a-day mugging. or 2. leaving me quite bored. and pokemon having been nothing but a grand waste of time sees me deciding to cut down on it >.<. a little, lol. getting boring anyway. but i have just made the most astonishing discovery that pokemon moves use attack and special attack not based on the type of attack >.<. i.e. surf uses special attack while waterfall uses attack. which means i have been deluded for a very longgg time. papers were shit, and i dont think its hit me yet that these are prelims. in my visions from the start of the year im supposed to be starting to score As now. not going to happen. and school's out. =/ i actually dislike school most of the time, lol. still, school's one of the things that keep my life together and all. dota is another. can't play well anymore though, tried taking over from my brother after half an hour just now and got properly owned.

i think im supposed to be emo about school here or something. =/but too sleepy to continue. be back next month. or year or whatever >.<

Site will be temporarily(maybe) dead xD

little holes and light.

rawr. im starting to get a little panicky o.O h3 essay undone, havent touched two of the texts since beginning of this year/end of last year, brief notes on one of them. hmm. i wonder about the cause for all that apathy about work. lol. and i just discovered ali smith is a lesbian this afternoon -.- weather is depressing. its not raining outright, but sky looks threatening. looked threatening, now its just mildly...ugh. for lack of a better word. maybe stressing too much. maybe too little. and the rest is intangible. ^^

if thats what you want

i'm fine.i guess. haha while i actually feel like blogging (not doing maths) i might as well update.

i have spent almost the entire day in my room. and i fell asleep without switching off my laptop last night so im quite surprised it hasnt exploded or anything yet. Anyway. im serious about the entire day thing. still quite unproductive. lol and its friday already. hmm. and my table is like. art. also i am better able to grasp the full extent of the rate of hair dropping. and i realize that my floor is damn dusty. which may or may not be because my maid has no chance to sweep it since i'm always in here.

haha i think i might go crazy soon ><. from the being in one place for too long alone while resisting every temptation to dota. then again i am arguably already on that path -.-

my CTs are dead. like, really. i dont mind, really. lol. or at least part of me doesnt =/

my excellent prediction is that i will fall asleep without switching off the laptop again tonight. then i will end up sleeping on my specs again. or something. they are still in relatively good condition lol. well they dont cost >250 bucks for nothing i guess .

felt like doing the 10 people thing. awhile back lol. but nahhh. however, if you should want to know what i have to say to you (if i have anything to say to you at all) you may pay me a dollar and i shall personally send you an email! wow.

take that?

muahaha.

In his song

haha alright. today was a sunny day ^.^ not the stifling heat kinda sunny, but warm and windy i.e. nice. lawl, just thought i should document it. since they are rather rare. apart from that i really dont have much to say. i think i lag behind even moca in mugging :o. should start soonnn. then again ive never really done intense mugging before =/. and now i am struck by the urge to go play dota or something. ><

havent been sick in more than half a year, if i remember correctly. (then again my memorys not so good these days) anywayy, havent been sick in a long time. which makes it a lot worse when it comes.

currently my feet hurt, legs are aching, along with my back, and i have a headache and my eyes hurt(lol dont ask why, i dont know either) and my throat hurts. experience tells me that a fever is coming along soon. lol, and theres nothing to do. hence the whining. anyway i suppose it came from synod youth games. too much exertion for my (quite unfit) body to handle, i guess. and the rain -.-. no one else fell sick, so..lol should go train or something. lawl we got owned quite thoroughly in most departments i guess, but the last game was pretty good.

i have alot more to say, but so do you? =/

zzz.

It only gets harder the more that you know

woot thats first song ive played twice (on wmp) in a long long time. apart from new songs lah. lol still dont know what its about though. not entirely, anyway.

Anyway. today = first event pulled off. yay. lol things went alright. pretty good. and mingbao rocks, for coming up with most of the games ideas, and being cameraman+ director for the promos+ having this strange ability to not be frustrated with anything + bringing/making most of the logistics stuff. oh and rachel lu too, of course (why'd i end up doing most of the talking though lol). and team marshals and station marshals. and i srsly respect uncle kien seng for taking that group. non-christian turnout = 19. one convert woot.

well alright. not much to say. lol. kinda tired now, been doing stuff since...7. well running around at least. damn printer + photocopier.

eheh i feel like ending off with some angsty line or quote or something, but nope, uninspired tonight. g'night then. sleep tight.

Walk the Line

hmm i remember when i watched the show. i dont know how it won best picture, but it did. (if im not wrong) anyway it was pretty good lah. and when i grasped the significance of the title. i was quite impressed. i dont remember why ><. since its the title of one of his songs anyway. johnny cash's that is. anyway! today marks the day i first hear the song. on wen loongs blog. oO. (for people who know who wen loong is....thats how bored im getting)(not that wen loongs blog is boring or anything) woot. its a nice song. for something from that era =p. nice husky voice the guys got o_O

so. i should be working. but when faced with too much work one tends towards escapism. my desk. is in a mess. i miss my old file. all there was to do was chuck everything inside. currently cant be bothered with putting stuff back inside. so now my table has many many stacks of worksheets and i cant remember how theyre sorted out lol. grah.

mmm today. was busy, to say the least. church was kinda...strange. no further comment lol. and the streetdance thing was pretty nice ^.^ couldnt exactly see the whole stage, but...whatever lol. im getting to know j1s too. met bennett and longkuan on my way to intended location: esplanade library, an hour early. followed them to starbucks. broke longkuans space impact high score, rawr. and the whole brandon kwan incident was. welllll. interesting ^^

right. should start working. >.<

April fools.

Alright lim min so you were right, it does rain a lot in April.

Everythings moist, decaying and eroded. Hold on to whatever you've got, dont get washed away. and sorry, if sometimes i forget. argh.

Havent blogged in ages. okay lah half a month. sian =p. April sucked. for almost everyone i know. now if April was anyone's favourite month of the year tell me and i will go over and shake your hand. but. oh well. if God has a plan, then i guess everything that happens happens for a reason. just not really fun when that reason is to test. hmph. we'll all get by, somehow and eventually. time solves everything?

I have a theory that everyones life becomes plain ol' weird sometimes, for no fathomable reason. okay its not very original. emphasis is on the everyone. if that makes it any less nonsensical. so at some point or other people start adopting Unwell as their theme song lol. and this is like, a lot of people.

Church is occupying an increasing amount of space in my life. which is good, i guess. second finger still a little numb from carrying the curry chicken yesterday oO. starting to talk to people and all. basically, im becoming sociable. shock. and my lack of inspiration for the pre-E outreach programme vaguely alarms me. lol.

It feels pretty good writing something thats not an essay. after half a month. ^.^ lol. May soon. if recent weather patterns (hoho what patterns) are anything to go by its going to be damn hot. wonder how it'll turn out. much labour or something. lol. damn why are As this year. Must mug ><

Okay enough angst lol. but hey, that felt good.
Edit: nice sunset. =)

this is how i know it's real.

it's always been like this, yar?
Fine. i admit lol. me today = moderately emo. quite silly. i mean very silly.
firstly, thanks, i appreciate it. even if its not explicitly stated. (well now it is ><) explicit isnt exactly my favourite word anyway.
secondly, you know what it's like, i guess. maybe?
thirdly, dont you dare feel troubled. it's really mine to sort out lol. i am, after all, a bloody guy. oh, and i will.

In other news. my cheeks hurt (still). yz anniversary on saturday. i was the miscellaneous help guy, being six hours early and having no specific purpose there. after awhile, i became one of the two pioneering members of the balloon blowing committee! then the electric pump spoilt. so ended up having to do it manually. uhh the other people came and helped after band prac, and about 4 hours was spent blowing balloons. quite fun really. XD. i mean amusing to watch people with balloon phobia. anyway it was about 300 balloons(i think?) between less than 10 people over 4 hours. so thats...quite pro. lol. except later all of them were burst. =/ and we didnt even get a photo. oh right me fingers were hurting yesterday. cause i take more time to tie a balloon than to inflate it.

oh and theres the outreach prog on may 19. im on the 3-man planning committee. and its supposed to be bigger than yz anniversary, so i...really wonder how this is going to work. life is getting a little busier. anyone wanna come. =/ lol

what lies beneath

nebulous, by the way, is mondays word of the day. such an intriguing word. :P

So. it's time for a not-so-nebulous update. i shall cease discussing my state of mind/whatever. always ends up..nebulous. problem is, i havent much idea what to write. so. umm this'll be alot like old times!

alright. long weekend = relatively busy. friday had good friday service@expo. and...im in the planning commitee for pre-e event. (planning committee currently = 3 people) cause only 2 people replied the sms. oO. anyway my generation of ideas for these things kinda sucks. but oh well. lol i can point out alot of flaws though ><. then train ride #1 from expo to civil service club. bowling with phang and lk. umm yay phang owns me now. train ride #2 home. Saturday comes along. train ride #3 to little india. umm writers cip meeting. attendance seven. basically i turned up half an hour late and just. listened to them talk. lawl. the external volunteer appeared to have been left out of all the rj-exclusive talk. train ride #4 home. an hour later, train ride #5 to city hall. dinner with 4i people ^^. best attendance in a longlong time. i miss the old brand of humour sometimes. and we walked alot. originally with purpose. originally. oh and weiren has biceps.:Dtrain ride #6 home. alright i know 6 train rides in 2 days doesnt seem like alot, but by my 4th train ride i was really sick of the whole thing ><. hmm sunday. easter service. which was quite pro. then went to...buy a piano for sister. nothing interesting there though. right. so anti-climatic. lol

about time i blog, i guess. its kinda stagnating, but these days there are no conclusions to anything, or thoughts get themselves tied up.

alright. stuff over the last few days. saturday was kinda shitty. i was rudely awakened, at 530, for...no fathomable reason. anyway the moon was. big and round and bloody red (no pun). had to put on my glasses and check i wasnt dreaming, lol. then the latter half of the day (i.e. after getting home from bs) was spent in a foul mood. all the way till sunday morning. so uhh. sunday stuff was alot better. went lanning. for four hours. after qing ming.

bleagh this post was supposed to be up on tuesday or something. so the last paragraph is really supposed to be longer. heh but whatever. things have been going quite haywire lately, grades and all. sometimes faith wears thin and walls start trembling. but i'll make it through. just like before. in fact we're all going to make it. hope for it. ><

and i dont always know what to say, or what to do. eloquence was never something i had. but i'll be around.

between believing the best and assuming the worst, i tend towards the latter. hard as i may try. been that way since. forever. it also happens that i appear to possess the extraordinary ability to construct, from the presence/absence of things, long complicated trains of thought that get derailed, and end up having to start from the beginning. damn paranoia. lol. Faith. =/. in God, that is. (dont worry this has nothing to do with anyone or anything. seriously.) i'll try. meanwhile, bear with me. lol.

on another note, i dont do engineering. o_O
eh, this is a really short post, but whatever. lol.

this is just to say.

chem owned me. completely. on the other hand, cts are over. then again, highness about it only lasted like 5 minutes. now, i = abit tired. so my eyes tell me. okay. anyway, its been....2 weeks of slacking + mugging + everything else. lol. thanks =p.

anyway#2, yay. 3 days of slacking, ooh. then back to school. we need proper holidays.

anyway#3. hmm. right, wanted to blog on sunday, but wasnt (that) free. umm. youth sunday. lol, service felt alot...different (better). when serving. even if it was just ushering. plus get to pose in long sleeved shirt. and...accumulate hand-shaking experience.

anyway#4. no more. =/. eh, i dont know what to blog about anymore. having to resort to changing colours as substitute. lol. dhoom approaches.

One night of desolation #2

alright. i cant access msn. -.-. or hotmail. they say its no good to 'keep everything inside'. so im just going to...rant.

anyway. i've tried everything. lol. except downloading yahoo msnger, but i thought that might be a little extreme. i think its the damned router (since i've tried using my brothers comp as well). if thats the case the router can go eat shit and die. incidentally this is major problem # 2 with the router/wireless, not including random connection problems. problem#1, discovered yesterday : i get disconnected when my sister shuts down her comp. damn wireless adapter. alternatively it could be the msn server problem, but thats quite unlikely. plus asking around wouldnt be very convenient. -.-

okay so this isnt the first time this is happening. its #2, i think. not including the night of desolation#1, where msn server got screwed (but even then i had windows msnger). the last time...my mom fixed it. lol. i have no idea about my moms actual level of techno proness. bleagh. probably ask her later.

in other news, my mugging is damn screwed up. i mean it ><

lol maybe she wont be able to fix it, then maybe i'll actually start mugging. instead of wasting time trying to fix the damn thing. hoho bnet is working fine though.

[edit] the thing started working after i published this. @_@
who am i kidding this is such a weak rant. lol.
[edit#2] screwed up again. wtf.

Exhale Deeply.

lol this is supremely stupid. i think i fail my logic. and common sense. the presence of the 'i think' would seriously bring to question the accuracy of the statement. knowing that one is being -insert negative quality- (and it is unwarranted) doesnt make it any easier to stop it. so im sorry. lol.

anyway. got screwed by chem test quite badly. that shouldnt really matter, since i lost 15 notes, scanned randomly selected pages of 15b, did the same for 16. all the same i would gladly fall for mssoh's...sort of tactic. motivation is a good thing. cts are coming. watch me. lol.

sigh. hardly motivation actually. not going to last. i should start mugging. oh, and i used to be good. always thought i was, anyway. still do, maybe.

one or two people in class are How to Save a Life crazy. i actually like the song ( it was perfection of first misinterpretation, sometime late last year. actually i mentioned it in passing) but i might soon start referring to it as 'that damn song' at this rate. funny thing is i never quite managed to figure out what it really means. the confusion is primarily due to the presence of three protagonists, i think. heh i dont think many people really could, judging from all the weird youtube videos involving suicide. and other foolish ways of dying (actually i only watched one, at weirens request). well it was grammy nominated. not that i think it deserving of winning, but...the dixie chicks won. =/.

the next two weeks look like a lot of shit. saturday please come. (evening, the rest of the day looks to be really screwed up. and...i saw that.)

there. all better ^^. and dont ask please.