i will begin by stating the obvious. its December. December tends to have some meaning does it not. melancholy, or something. the recent almost perfect for staying at home weather has come to an end, and already one can feel the stifling, suffocating, treacherous heat that seems about to dominate most of next year coming in.

quite frustrating, after reading a book for some amount of time, funny things tend to get inside my head. bits of stuff that might pass off as decent writing if written down. and some angst. 15 minutes later it disappears though, and i forget.

so how was 2006. recap i guess. started with orientation. that was pretty much the shittiest time of the year, imo. was waking up at 4 am everyday during orientation. didnt know many people. uhh make that anyone. laughter was forced and conversations awkward. oh well. thats just me i guess. the time after that was really quite blurred. everyday was mostly the same i guess. most of my year was in my thoughts. and we dont really remember thoughts, do we? or emotions. i mean we still can replicate them to some extent, while their scent lingers, but after awhile its only the shell of events we remember. i can look through my archives and remember i had meant something a little more, but cant recall what now. which is probably a pity. umm yes, so much for recap. to be continued.

So, its the new year. well, half an hour to it(yes its taken me that long to type that little, and no there wasnt much thought put into that). so what, lol. its not like it ever had any significance. the earth has gone one round, approximately, around the sun. if it were to be exact new year wouldnt fall at the stroke of midnight would it. that it goes in rounds and orbits should be enough to tell us one can never find beginnings or ends. but i guess since humanity decides this should be the time to take stock of the past cycle, and do stuff with themselves to prepare for the next, i should too lol. how then should new year be spent.

However it should be or might be, or how i want it to be, i have little or no clue. no matter, who gives a shit about the brief span of time between one year and another in the solar calender anyway. but theres always the little truths beyond the whole mess(which one need not give two shits about in the first place), that provide a little bit of a reason for a smile. for those, along with a whole lot of other things, i am grateful. and let that be a little truth.

i think dota has ceased to matter very much. think we all saw it coming lol. from a long way away. but hey, it was great. no, i dont think we choose our friends. at least its the ones we dont choose that we have stronger friendships with. (this is all non-confirmed btw) lol, seriously moca, u obviously know, i hardly liked u in s3. i do not know what inspired me to lend u the disc.(haha actually i do, and so do u =/) well i do know my reasons for getting it were not really reasons at all, so i guess thats the best thing i ever did with it. my best holidays, at least the ones i can remember, were those of sec3 december. ah yes i remember the routine. 1v1s and inhouse all day long =p. inhouses were so much funner, i dont really care if the standard sucked lol. well. honestly i didnt expect myself, or any of us to still be playing. so i remember winning xiong cz and danny(lol partly why i like sniper =/), and the stupid tournament, (even if we did get owned, the 2v2 the day before was incredibly fun lol) and winning that 1v1 tourney match. (last thursday of term 2, i remember, was bloody high after that, couldnt sleep for an hour+ after that, didnt really care) started out with dota, and went, still going, way beyond that. but well, since we're not playing anymore. It was Great. lol. therefore, to moca, xinrui, wangting, weiren, beedict, jenson, jishun(even if u never really played =p), jonnybai, shaun sim, shaosheng, ben koh, elbert etc etc, thanks. think i'll quit soon too, or at least reduce playing time by alot. playing alone is not much fun. well thats goodbye to the dota part of the so called dota club.(for tonight i will acknowledge the name ><). shitty comps, sianness, and better things to do with our lives have finally claimed all of us. lol.

So I Thank God For family. For old friends. For not-so-old friends( by now, new is hardly the right word). and well, for God.

and heres to next year. this year by now actually. to beginnings of beautiful things, strengthening, and good endings (for it will be a year of endings, no? though it makes me sad just thinking about it)

Alright. its January. whats January like, i guess i'll find out. gl hf gg pls no mh.

Merry Christmas

to you.

Merry Almost-Christmas

..which was where i ate this morning.

this ones for the record i guess. i hardly remember what i do every christmas eve. or any other time of the year for that matter.

Heres a conversation i had with my 6 yr old cousin yesterday at the tea ceremony. the gist of it anyway, dont remember very well. so it was about uhhh...fatness.

'the fattest boy in my class is justin (follows with a list of adjectives to describe justin and her relationship with him'
'u like him right!'
'noo i dont like him! (follows with some elaboration he bullies her or something or pulls her hair or something)'
-conversation switches to something else for awhile i think, due to the other people in the room, or maybe the bride arrived cant remember.
'u like justin right!'
'nooo he's not.....mine' i start frowning a little.
'not ur what?'
'not....mine'
either her vocab is ownage, or...she is ownage. anyway. later that day. actually just a few minutes away.
'u like justin right!'
'nooo i like....b*******, hes a -slight pause- gentleman'(privacy protection laws)
eh lol. kindergarten crushes =p.

anyway after that everytime i saw her that day (quite alot) i went 'b*******!' how irritating am i =/. (dont answer that) she never acknowledged, or gave further details of course. but she did develop tendencies to start whacking me.

the wedding was..okay lor. except for the part where the groom(my cousin is the bride) came to tell their story. which was really quite sad, for one guy at least. who was in attendance. ouch. nice guys lose out i guess. no i dont think i will tell it.

hmm. an rj guy came to church today. dont know him, not really. not sure if hes staying, but yay. lol. his name i shall withhold, lest he gets assaulted by...mutual acquaintances.

anyway. more storytelling is up next, with part II of christmas present exploits.
heh. it really did seem like nice weather for a walk. from the third floor it didnt look like it was raining at all -.- . oh and i lied =/. told me mum i was going to buy christmas presents for a class gathering. (ok not really, 4i gathering soon). could have gotten a lift, but i duno, the idea of getting a lift to buy a present for the guy whos giving u a lift sounds pretty absurd to me. so walked to, then aimlessly around parkway for quite some time before discovering they have a life bookshop lol. wont mention what exactly i got, cos uhhh i have come to the conclusion that it is vaguely rude. and i shall have to get used to my very crappy decision making process. not sure if wad i got was appropriate, but whatever. at the cashier was pretty jacked, i asked if i could just take the goods off the shelf, then the girl said yes, then i did, then the guy said which one do u want i'll get you a new one. shit lol. then the guy handed me what i bought after taking it out of the box, then i said i could just have it in the box, then he told me its for me to check if anythings broken -.-. shit again. then i was out of the shop before the girl went excuse me sir..sorry, but u havent paid. (._.) it was still raining when i started walking home. i love my umbrella. made a detour to get my sister another present(the same one) . to be fair lol. now all i have to do is...wrap them. by tmr morning.

this kinda weather= perfect christmas weather. even if it does require an umbrella. after all you know what they say about rain and all. hopes of new beginnings and something better. which usually never come. things i suppose looked a whole lot more promising last year, jc and orientation and all. but this year..i duno, maybe. (no u idiots not my love life lol). today the thought crossed my mind that really i should never have been complaining or lamenting or silently flaming. maybe its really no ones fault but mine. just crossed. briefly. either way, change is coming. (still not my love life)

zzz more of the old stuff.

my money is gone. along with my sanity, having gone almost 2 months with very little contact with real people. yesterday i decided to test my ability to walk around crowded places alone, there being a need for christmas presents. now i wish as much as you do that you could get them from me, however much you might wish that, but ur not getting any, due to budget constraints ( i mean if i had all the money in the world i would definitely buy everyone i know presents) so i guess its safe to talk/complain/wdv about my present-buying exploits. so anyway despite feeling extremely reluctant, i managed to get myself out of the house. was contemplating parkway, but decided on orchard. (relatively) unknown territory. so anyway, in brief, spent most of the time at kai-no-kuniyer(irish/scottish accent effect pls, its infectious). as an indicator of how lost i was, i think i must have walked past the same spot thrice while looking for the literature section.

hmm got on beauty for my mom >.<. i might have to borrow it for h3 lit so i guess that sucks lol. but thats not really why i got it, cos i could get them to pay for my lit texts if i continue with h3 anw. honestly it was because i hardly read anything, and getting something i havent actually read would be...not very good. lol i saw the inheritance of loss while in the (very long) queue, and jumped out of it to contemplate it. the accidental> on beauty but the...sick part might make my mom start to wonder about the stuff i read lol. doesnt help that The Light of Day which i am currently sort of reading has a cover pic of a womans...knees (crossed legs Oo, meant to be knees).

umm i got my sister a maple card, which i regret now. lol. but it was hard to walk out of the empty world of jj at eunos where there was just me and the shopkeeper, not after i asked her where i could find one. but wattheshit its 10 bucks for 10k cash, which is absurd. 10k cash cant even get nice pets (which i suspect my sister is going to use the card for), which cost 12k cash -.-. very smart, the buggers.

so that was all i got done yesterday. crap still have my dad and bro, and 2 days minus alot of time. and i realize i dont/didnt really know what to get any of them. haha now i just hope my parents get christmas presents for us, cos it would be quite awkward if they didnt >< (also it would be nice to get stuff ). i honestly dont know if they are going to, this is the first year i am getting anybody xmas presents. i dont remember getting any from them before either ><

crap if only what fluency of thought/writing i may possess could come out in speech. this lack was demonstrated when some idiot survey woman for some cruise company called today.

Hell, or what would be enough for it, is where people in chains are made to kneel in front of and stare at a wall with 'fool' in huge block letters written on it for an eternity. or until they lose all sense of themselves. hmm maybe my life is too comfy.

heh. so much for fluency of thought/writing

With a capital P

i dont believe i have seen any sun since coming back. i think it has been raining 50% of the time as well. oh well. its pretty cool at least. no pun. rainy afternoons are after all better than those afternoons where the weather cant decide what it wants to be, and results in the sky taking on a greyish colour with no character. although that is a very selfish mindset that does not take into consideration the people whose cars got stuck in waist high flood water.

well today was a..pacing day. again. (that is not to say yesterday was a pacing day) radio on(it always is, and thats how i got to know about the waist high flood water. i also heard about the flooding, and various traffic congestions more than 4 times on traffic watch, and once on the news update. ) and book more or less untouched. no comp. this was really because my 3 cousins and 1 sister were occupying both of them, and occasionally all 3 of them, where the third one is pretty useless. except for spinning the wheel of monotony. =.=.

in other news i have been tagged by lim min. i guess i could take this as new year resolutions.

Five things you want to get done --
1) must...read...bible...
2) brush my teeth before i go to sleep. this will at least be my third attempt at establishing this habit. wish me luck.
3) well i suppose i should learn to treat girls as..girls. sigh okay look its been a long time, and i think people would agree with me that where im from, a razorblade for a tongue is a fairly valuable asset and instinct. at the same time so is immunity to insults.(but that doesnt mean you dont hit back).
4) i must not walk forwards while looking backwards. enough of that.
5) uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i cant think of anything. must carve immunity idol?

christmas is coming. no time for shopping. though i admit i have never been christmas shopping before. also, the number of people about to receive presents from me has dropped, such that if ur reading this, ur probably not. going to get anything from me.

hmm i think there should be more (what else do you think i do while pacing) but i am unable to replay or recall my thoughts. so thats all folks Oo.

oh well i guess i could just ramble on about stuff. hmm yesterday i watched bridget jones 2: the edge of reason. the whole show, for the first time. i think, if theres a moral of the story, it would have to be, it pays to watch till the end. for one i had seen the boring beginning like 3 times before and gave up. for one, the show only gets really funny from the time colin firth fights with hugh grant and they get all wet. i also find it most unfair that they should mention hugh grants name before colin firth in the opening credits.

uhh my brothers off at some random church camp. so thats a good thing i guess lol. in an addition to the last post, why is it that singaporeans tend to imitate ang mohs accents whenever they meet one, but the ang mohs accents dont change. (i never said singaporeans dont include me)

xr and moca have stopped playing dota, more or less. so i guess lzwl is going to stop too....soon. like by the end of next year.

i am screwed for schoolwork, as i cannot remember any of the stuff from last year. no, not vectors, nor othello, which phang so kindly reminded me of, nor...uhh ....umm...see i cant remember anything else. woo i shall remain apathetic about it.

Holiday number x to bintan.

where x is a number i have lost count of. except this time we didnt go to the usual bintan lagoon resort, instead opting for club med. which really had nothing special. so what, you ask, did i do in bintan. hmmmm. basically nothing that couldnt be done in singapore. uhhh i ate alot. and drowned myself in orange juice, since it had a dispenser while they expect you to pour soft drinks urself. and played badminton, sort of played basketball, sort of played pool, went swimming. basically nothing you cant do in singapore. uhh i tried kayaking, but couldnt last 4 waves. which was really not my fault, the waves were strong ><. and my cousin sitting in the back was being the rudder (i.e. not paddling) i dont know what he should have been doing, maybe he was right, so i wont comment lol.

there were quite alot of singaporeans. oh right it was my family, my cousins family, and 2 of their cousins on the other side, who were girls in primary school. which prompted my sister to join them and engage in mildly irritating girly behaviour. but i digress. anyway there were quite alot of singaporeans. so one afternoon i was lying around in the pool, being extremely sianed. my head was on the ledge thing, as i am curiously unable to float without moving. umm it was quite near the corner of the pool. so in comes this little girl and her father. and shes really cute and all. i mean she had dinosaur toys. now who couldnt like girls with dinosaur toys. shes about 3 or 4 i think. then they start playing near me. so i catch snippets of conversation between them.
'but im scared' quoth the girl
'its okay, just urine in the pool, no one will know' replies the father.
'its only a little bit, the pool so big' or something like that, he continues.
'so no one will know because theres just a little bit?' or something like that, repeats the girl, like some brainwashed zombie.
at this point i start getting freaked out and get up to lie around on a different ledge of the pool. thankfully the girl was civic minded. and they left the pool, and the father came back, and the girl came back later with her mother. so i assume(i hope) she did not pollute the pool. at least i didnt see anything when i looked underwater after they left =/

in addition, my brothers...exploits were rather interesting. right well i have discovered he enjoys pretending to be a desperado, or really is a desperado(lol but arent we all).

also, happy birthday to my brother, on the 17th, this is two days overdue. also around this time is..my wallets anniversary ^^. no present for my brother this year though. yes i can be very vengeful. though it was more sloth than anything that accounts for his lack of present from me.

and uhh after the trip my cousins stayed over till..today. which accounts for how late this post is coming. and since they slept in the comp area the aircon has not been switched off in 48 hours.

okay next post.

Screw this forget this

It seems that every blog must have some entry with song lyrics somewhere along the way. oh very well, heres my first. yes i have nothing better to do lol. it was in the '98 grammy nominees cd, but wasnt a nominee. a performance i think. its older than that lol, but so what.

Silver Springs-Fleetwood Mac

You could be my silver springs
Blue green colors flashin
I would be your only dream
Your shining autumn, ocean crashing
And did you say she was pretty
And did you say that she loves you
Baby, I dont wanna know

Ill begin not to love you
Turn around, see me runnin
Ill say I loved you years ago
Tell myself you never loved me, no
And did you say she was pretty
And did you say that she loves you
Baby, I dont wanna know
Oh, no
And can you tell me was it worth it
Really, I dont wanna know

Time casts a spell on you, but you wont forget me
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me

Time casts a spell on you, but you wont forget me
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me
Ill follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you
Youll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you
(3x)

You could be my silver springs
My blue green colors flashin
(btw the vocalist is supposed to be female)

the funny thing is you would never guess what the song was about if given the tune alone. took me awhile before i did oO. they say its a revenge song(which would suggest malice), but i duno lol.

on another note, i had a strange dream today (tuesday morning, 12 dec). or i might have been half-dreaming, cos i can remember it. i was dreaming..of dates. and i can remember the numbers hanging in the middle of a white space.
'11/11/11. thats a nice date. not too far away either'
'oh wait. its december..'
'12/12/12.'
'easy to remember..'
then i woke up. and remembered it was the birthday of an old acquaintance. not like i did anything about it =/.

bah. dwelling on the past is for lame people whose presents(??) are empty and whose futures hold no promise. haha okay i really shouldnt be doing this.(actually im not, not really)mayhap i shall angst further/discuss this towards the end of the year, which would be a more appropriate time.

today was the first day of the hols i actually thought myself some sad case. for spending 5 hrs on the comp straight -.- not total, straight. from 2-7. i was even tracing beginnings of peoples blogs (not like many peoples blogs have been around for very long). cant say it was unrewarding though. wangtings old anecdotes/quotes ftw. (haha i was never a big fan of quotes and all. but a year or two after the recording its a little different =/). and you can see how peoples blogging styles change.

yes i know. very sad. it looks like i wont get down to reading waterland(graham swift), the book being due tmr. the first 20 pages were boring, and thats about as far as i got. i suppose i find history unappealing. the only reason i borrowed it actually was because the library had none of the very few books i was looking for, and it was shortlisted for the man booker prize. damn i really need to develop my own...tastes? but whatever, going off day after tmr/tmr/14th. club med bintan. yay sea sports my favourite? lol okay at least its a break. from pointless activities. uhh lol no i am not going to turn into some angsty depressed..thing. just needed/wanted to let some out i guess. well. i shall now retreat to my sheets.

(10, 11)/12

A Wedding
so yesterday was my cousins wedding, known to my sister and younger cousins as Giant, because hes 196. tea ceremony in the morning, and come evening i stepped into the exact same room as the one used for grad night, a little more than a year ago (orchard hotel, grand ballroom 3 right?=/) ahh weddings. dont they make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside(not really). but i suppose they do bring to mind repeat broadcasts of 'what i think of my love life/lives'(since you people asked for it). well weiren did sms me halfway through ;). i'll stop there lol. it could be the wedding, or it could be the wine oO. speaking of which my brother was given 30 bucks to drink like 200 ml of wine at one shot. this was by my perhaps drunk uncle, who also gave me 50 bucks to eat...broccoli. lots. of broccoli. like leftovers. there were 7 people under 18 at my table so..it was a lot of broccoli. oh well at least now i dont have to worry so much about christmas presents making me broke. speaking of which, do NOT get me christmas presents (this is just in case you were planning to). this is because you are not likely to receive any from me =(. and if i do get them i will be left feeling very very bad.

A Birthday
Happy Birthday to my dad today. this section of the post is dedicated to the only person in the family who can actually make me laugh on a regular basis (apart from myself of course), who seems to be able to make any joke or story seem funny. who almost never gets angry, who seems to be capable of working endlessly, who used to let me play neopets on his comp when my mom was out, sometimes =D. damn i didnt get him a present. again. =/

..and a funeral
and this section of the post is dedicated to the crab i loved for a few hours. sry xr. heres to herman, may he be resting in peace in a place where he does not have to have his shell painted bright yellow.

He said hes been down this road more than twice

So. events in my life (or lack of) these days.

watched Happy Feet yesterday, uhh finally? weiren says i must blog about its themes. really i wanted to talk about the plot, but given the amount of things i can say about it (quite crappy) i shall talk about the themes instead! basically i think the conservation message has been repeated enough. who the hell really cares if the world is going to end, since we all arent gonna be around for that. oh i remember when i actually was concerned about the endangered species of the world, long ago. but uhh that was long ago.

My sisters friends came over yesterday. good thing i went out soon after =p. 5 or 6 9 yr old girls in dance( i duno the significance of that but wdv) = -.-''''' anw they managed to wreck the laptop mouse. so today parents went shopping and got a new mouse. a rather expensive one at that. yay =/.

o2jam got installed in my comp while i was out yesterday. its quite fun lah ^^ i think. if a little...sleazy? feels like it thats all lol.

tomorrow would be my cousins wedding, and my other cousins 6th birthday. 11th is my dads birthday. todays the 9th already, so i guess i'll be getting the same thing for him. nothing. lol. =/

theres this cat. that has taken to sitting outside the house(actually it sometimes jumps over the fence into the side path), round the side, every weeknight at 730. then it goes miaomiaomiaomiaomiaomiaomiao. (actually there are 2 or 3 cats but only 1 goes miaomiaomiaomiaomiaomiaomiao). then my maid also goes miaomiaomiaomiaomiaomiaomiao. and uhh she throws it a drumstick bone(and i did too, twice =/) cos the miaoing is really quite cute. and we're moving out soon anw. just wants food though. <----------my love life, or the closest thing to it, for interested parties.

on the subject of moving, ive received news that we will be moving on my birthday, the date of which i shall not reveal =p. and my dad apparently gave up asking me if i needed a laptop, and told me he thinks i will, and we have no space for a computer room anyway, so i get a new laptop, and everyone has a comp! w00t. lol.

once again i would like to comment again on my dads cd collection =/. my mom was going through it today. backstreet boys, celine dion, britney spears, savage garden, lionel richie, u2, grammy awards nominees 1998 and 2001, grammy winners 1961-1981 ( why am i mentioning this i only know like one song lol), john lennon, beatles, and (older) stuff i cant remember. pity then, that most of it is vcds -.- or in the car -.-. anw i ripped the grammy nominees 1998 onto the comp(which is going to become my sisters comp[like wad on earth at this age, when i was her age...i hardly had access to the comp) today. and yes, its nice =p.

and thats almost all the stuff for the last few days. happy holidays everyone? right. didnt think so. lol. come to think of it my holidays have been...satisfactory.

Once upon a time i knew how to write fairy tales.

guess who's back. oO. from church camp. lol. my first ever =o. its quite strange i was feeling damn sian-ed when the thing started. and now im getting that post-camp/outing sian-ness(partly from my 3+ hrs of sleep last night). and i come back and find depressing entries on (almost) everyones blogs. so anyway. they say its contagious. it was a pretty normal church camp i suppose. not that i would know. currently i either dont know wad to think or cant be bothered to try thinking. hence the lack of a proper narrative/argument/wdv. and the bb campsite is pretty sucky lol. but at least they have beds. lol i was sweeping the bunk this morning. then the caretaker came in and randomly asked if my grades at school were damn good (translated from chinese) and uhh i sort of nodded (i am after all in rj oO) and he says ya i can tell this sort of thing one(or sth liddat). i didnt quite know if i should take it as a compliment or an insult (your sweeping is hopeless i think you surely must be nerdy mugger!) lol. haha dont feel like blogging anymore. maybe i'll give a longer update some other time. when and if the air/my head clears.